I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
