you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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