i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
