Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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