those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
