look no pants
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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