***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
