We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
