Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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