You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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