It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
