I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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