First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
