You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
