Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
