I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
