Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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