Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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