At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
