Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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