I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
