dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
