she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
