you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
