I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
