i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
