if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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