I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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