Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
