I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i drank out of a bidet.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
