i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
