I wish I only lived at night.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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