I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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