Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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