dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
