I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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