I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Randomize
