So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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