Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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