After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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