Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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