I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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