I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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