i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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