what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
