why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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