And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
