$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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