i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
