I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
