I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i will never coherently bang her
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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