You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
