Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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