I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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