i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
